


Damaged

by labellebeaucoup



Category: Scandal (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 07:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11157165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labellebeaucoup/pseuds/labellebeaucoup
Summary: Edison Davis never really got over Olivia. Instead, he spent two years making her life a living nightmare. Now, with Edison in jail, Olivia is struggling to piece her life back together - to move on. Maybe, just maybe, an unlikely force from her past will help her do just that.





	1. Fighter

“Hello, Olivia.” The voice with the soft, lilting Southern twang forced the tiny brown-haired woman to look up from her seat and give a timid, strained smile.

 

“How are you today?” The older woman continued, tossing a piece of lint from her tailored, pinstripe suit and crossing her legs in front of her. She held a legal pad in her hands; a black ballpoint pen poised to take notes.

 

“Tired,” Olivia sighed. She didn’t want to be in therapy. Not that anyone ever did. She wasn’t sleeping well – she hadn’t been sleeping well since she had been subjected to the ruthless torture of her stalker. She had lived in terror every waking minute for two years before it had finally stopped.

 

“Are you still have the same dreams?” That was putting it mildly. There were many dreams. The details of her stalking had never eluded her dreams. A tall, built silhouette in black had dogged her dreams for years.

 

“Yes.” Her voice was small, weak. She didn’t like that. Two years of peace should have followed the arrest of the man who had made her life a living hell. But that peace never became a reality. She couldn’t move on. Couldn’t force herself to move on.

 

“Why don’t you tell me about them?” Her gaze snapped to the woman sitting across from her. She hadn’t told anyone about those dreams. Not the whole dream. There was still a lot she had kept from the police.

 

“They’re dreams. They happen,” she snapped, dropping her gaze back to the dark carpet. She wasn’t here by choice. She had been forced to attend a few therapy sessions at the hospital after the first time she had taken half a bottle of Oxycodone and mixed them with the Jack Daniels she had found in the refrigerator. After leaving the hospital, her parents had forced her to continue her therapy sessions.

 

“Would you rather talk about your family?” The therapist continued to prod, trying to get something out of her patient.

 

“What’s there to talk about? My mom and dad are getting married this summer. They _finally_ sorted things out and they’ve decided they want us to be a family. Dad took a position at the high school – he’s teaching history and mom…mom’s still trying to be an author.”

 

“And you feel that they have all moved on without you.” Olivia narrowed her eyes at her counselor. She had trouble admitting that to herself and she didn’t appreciate having a stranger voice the truth for her.

 

“They haven’t moved on. They had nothing to move on from.” She crossed her arms over her small body and shook her head at the older woman. She never thought of her family as moving on from anything. Edison hadn’t stalked them. He hadn’t made their lives a living nightmare. They didn’t know what that paralyzing, every day fear was like.

 

“But still you feel as if you have been left out of their growth over the years.”

 

“They never went through what I did and to wish that they never continued their lives while I have been wallowing in self-pity would be selfish.” Olivia’s temper flared at the assumption. That was the one thing she disliked most about therapy. She hated having someone think that they knew exactly what she was going through: exactly what she was thinking.

 

“Have you talked to your friends about your feelings?” The therapist decided to change topics. Olivia was becoming defensive and she knew that if they continued down that path, it would be yet another long, pointless session with nothing new to report.

 

“I’d rather not bombard them with my problems.” Elizabeth, always the academic of the group, had thrown herself into graduate school the minute she was accepted and she rarely returned to Hampstead. Quinn spent all of her time with Huck, touring the country. She didn’t care much for the small, quaint town that was Hampstead. Abby had been the one to shock everyone by staying in Hampstead, attending George Washington, and coaching the local high school swim team.

 

Yet Abby was the one that Olivia went to with her problems. The two girls understood one another better than Olivia ever thought they would. Abby had grown up with an abusive stepfather and had never fully gotten over the years of her own torture. It felt good to have someone to voice her fears to; someone who reciprocated and felt the same as her.

 

“Have you been getting out of the house with any more frequency?” When Olivia first started her sessions, she had admitted that she rarely left her home. She was too scared to. Even with her tormentor gone, she was afraid that something would happen to her. Her therapist had suggested that she gradually spend less and less time at home.

 

“I had coffee with Abby at the Café on Monday.”

 

“That was two days ago. Anything else?”

 

“No.”

 

“Olivia,” the older woman’s sigh racked her body, “I think you can do better than that.”

 

“No, I can’t.”

 

“You need to push yourself.”

 

“Everyone keeps telling me to push myself, but no one knows what I have been through.” Olivia stood from her seat, snatching her bag from the floor and stomping out of the room. She glanced at her watch on the way out. 3:45. Fifteen minutes longer than she had ever stayed in a therapy session. She rubbed her eyes; if she wasn’t careful, this therapy thing would grow on her and she would find herself staying the whole hour.

 

She exited the warm office to the sunny sidewalks and pulled her scarf a little tighter around her neck. The crisp, autumn wind was beginning to replace the summer heat of the month before. Her heels clicked against the cement as she walked toward the Café. This was almost becoming routine for her. She left her session early, got herself a cup of coffee and then loitered in front of the building until her father picked her up.

 

_Ding._

The two high school boys behind the counter looked up at the sound of the bell over the door. She pulled her navy blazer tighter around her body when the tall blond began eyeing her. She walked with a purpose to the counter.

 

“What can I get you?” The boy grinned and flipped his hair. Olivia tried to suppress her grin. Was that supposed to impress her?

 

“A tall, two-pump vanilla, non-fat foam latte,” she raddled off, watching as the boy nodded and told her what she owed. She pulled the cash from her purse, paying before stepping to the side to wait. She crossed her arms as she watched the kid stumble about in an attempt to fill her order.

 

“Olivia. Long time no see.” She turned at the sound of a man’s voice and narrowed her dark eyes.

 

“Hello, Jake.” She wasn’t his biggest fan and she didn’t care if he knew that.

 

“How’s your mom?”

 

“That’s none of your business.”

 

“Ouch. That’s harsh.”

 

“Jake, I really don’t feel like doing this with you.”

 

“What do you feel like doing?” She felt herself gag at the suggestive way he moved his eyebrows.

 

“Why don’t you just show your workers how to make a latte so I can get out of here?” Jake’s head turned to the counter where the blond kid was struggling to find the lid to fit Olivia’s cup.

 

“Got it,” the kid called in triumph, a goofy smile crossing his face. Olivia shook her head and grabbed her cup from the counter, turning and stalking out of the establishment.

 

“Whoa.” Her heart fluttered at the familiar voice as she flung the door open, nearly hitting the man on the outside in the chest.

 

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, stealing a glance at his face from under long lashes.

 

“No problem, Olivia.” Her name sounded good, _right_ rolling off his tongue.

 

“Well, sorry,” she mumbled again, feeling her cheeks turn bright red as she turned toward the direction of her therapist’s office.

 

“No big deal. You look good.” He always said the right things at the wrong time.

 

“You too, Fitz.”

 

“We should catch up some time.”

 

“We should.”

 

“I’ll give you a call.”

 

“Um…okay.” She smiled, a smile that barely caused the use of her face muscles before heading back down the street, sipping her terrible latte. She came to a stop in front of the therapist’s office and sighed. With one more glance back to where Fitz stood, she placed her hand on the door and flung it open.

 

**A/N – I swear; chapters will get longer. I’m in the process of moving things around in stories, finishing stories, and getting started on ideas before I loose them. As always, thanks for reading – G x**


	2. Dive

_Dark. Pitch black interrupted irregularly by lightning flashes. Olivia stood in the middle of her kitchen. Except, it wasn’t her kitchen? She furrowed her brows – dark green countertops? Bar stools instead of a kitchen table? It looked like her apartment from her college days. She shook her head – why was she here? She hadn’t lived in her apartment for two years. She’d moved out when she was twenty, a month before they…arrested Edison. She frowned. It couldn’t be…_

_Ding. Ding._

_Taking a shaky breath, she looked down at her phone lying on the counter. That wasn’t right. She didn’t have a phone. Not anymore. Slowly, she reached for the small object, unlocking the screen and hitting the messages app. She dropped the phone when she read the text._

**_Visiting Second Street today? It would be a shame if Dr. Rosan’s files were sent to your boyfriend. What would he say?_ **

****

_She wiped her hands furiously on her leggings, trying to rub away the sweat that had gathered on them. The caller id had said ‘unknown’, but she knew who it was. Her stalker…Edison. How did she know that? She hadn’t known he was her stalker until she had already left this apartment and moved back in with her parents. Her heart beat faster in her chest. He knew where she had been? Fitz couldn’t find out. That had been the gist of the majority of the threats she had received lately. Ever since Halloween – constantly threats to tell Fitz her secret. A secret she wasn’t ready to share._

**_Boom._ **

****

_The loud crack of lightning barely covered the sound of her door swinging inward, smacking against the wall. The muted thump was all Olivia heard, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin as a loud scream tore from her throat. Shaking, she crept to the edge of the doorway, sticking her head around the open entranceway and staring down the hall. All the lights were turned off, leaving only the quick flashes of lightning to see by. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw her door standing wide open, the lock busted. Another flash of lightning illuminated her apartment and she gasped at the sight of a dark figure entering her bedroom._

_Holding her breath, she took one step into the hallway, stepping lightly in an effort to cut down the noise. She kept her eyes glued to her bedroom door. Creeping down the hall, she silently prayed that whomever had entered her apartment would stay in her room until she had managed to leave the room. She broke out into a sweat the closer she got to the open door and felt her heart beat even faster, making a steady pounding rhythm in her chest. Reaching the end of the hall, she had one foot nearly out the doorway when –_

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

“Ugh,” Olivia groaned, slamming her fist on the alarm clock. She sat up, untwisting the sheets from her legs, and rubbed her eyes. That dream had been brutal. Stretching, she swung her legs over the bed and planted her feet on the floor. She wearily padded to her bathroom, turning the water faucet on and brushing her teeth. The minty taste of her toothpaste helped chase away the last remnant of sleep. Once she was finished with her teeth, she brushed her hair and pulled it back before heading to her room and pulling a pair of leggings and a tank top on.

 

Rushing down the stairs, Olivia stopped by the back door, quickly lacing a pair of sneakers. She looked around as she reached for the doorknob, her breathing pace picking up. She didn’t like going out – in fact, she avoided it most of the time. Being outside of her home terrified her. But she missed running and she _needed_ to go for a run after that dream. Her heart pounding, she twisted the doorknob and pulled the door open, stepping outside. The warm breeze and early morning sun felt good against her skin. She tilted her head to the side when she saw her father’s car still parked in the driveway. Didn’t he have a soccer practice to be at?

 

“Hey, what are you doing up so early?” Eli Pope called, leaning against the side of the garage.

 

“Bad dream,” she stated, walking to the garage. Eli nodded his head. She had been having bad dreams for a while now and he knew from experience that she would refuse to elaborate. “I’m going to go for a run.”

 

“You’re going for a run?” Eli smiled although his shocked tone didn’t go unnoticed by Olivia. She didn’t leave the house willingly. This was the first time she had been out since her last therapy session. Eli was happy about that.

 

“Yeah. What are you still doing here? I thought mom said you had soccer practice this morning.”

 

“I cancelled it. Most of my team is gone on a fieldtrip.”

 

“Want to run with me?”

 

“Sure. Where are we running to?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Let’s go, kid.”

 

~*~

 

“Have you thought about volunteering?” Eli huffed, jogging alongside Olivia through the middle of the town.

 

“Why?” Olivia questioned, coming to a stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change before continuing across the street.

 

“It would get you out of the house more. They’re looking for a cheerleading coach. I could put in a good word.”

 

“Cheerleading, dad?” Olivia glanced at her father, raising an eyebrow at the suggestion.

 

“You did gymnastics until you graduated high school.”

 

“That’s a little different than cheerleading, but…I guess I can try. No promises though, dad.”

 

“As long as you try.” Eli shrugged, slowing as they entered the middle of town. He stopped in front of the Café. “Want to get a drink before we head back?”

 

“Water sounds amazing.” She walked through the door as Eli held it open. They ordered two waters before heading back out and sitting on the bench in front of the restaurant.

 

“Olivia! I thought that was you.” Olivia groaned at the sound of Jake’s voice. He couldn’t leave her alone. He had been that way since high school and Olivia had always played this game of avoiding him. He didn’t know how to leave her alone.

 

“Jake, I still don’t want to do this.” She continued sipping her water, keeping her eyes averted, staring out at the street.

 

“I do,” Jake shrugged.

 

“Jake, leave my daughter alone.” Eli stood from his seat, throwing his cup in the nearby trash bin.

 

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t see you there.” Eli rolled his eyes.

 

“Olivia, why don’t you go ahead and start toward home? I’ll catch up in a minute.” He waited for Olivia to stand and throw her cup away before she took off in direction of her home.

 

“Jake,” Eli began, wrapping his arm around the younger man, “She’s had a rough time. Don’t push her.”

 

With that said, Eli took off after Olivia.

 

~*~

 

“Have you gotten out anymore?” The therapist questioned, leaning forward in her seat as she anticipated Olivia’s answer.

 

“I went for a run yesterday morning.”

 

“That’s great. In town?”

 

“In town. With my dad.” The doctor made a few notes on her legal pad, her pen scratching the surface as she went.

 

“That’s a huge improvement, Olivia. Was there anything about your run that made you uncomfortable? Or that you enjoyed?” It was just like her to probe for more. No matter what Olivia said, it seemed that she wasn’t satisfied until every minute detail had been probed.

 

“There was a guy…”

 

“Do men still make you uncomfortable?”

 

“Not _all_ men. I ran into an old…friend after last session. He didn’t make me uncomfortable.” She thought for a moment. Fitz really _hadn’t_ made her uncomfortable. She hadn’t thought about that at the time. She had trouble being near anyone of the opposite sex after what had happened with Edison. She hadn’t been able to carry much of a conversation with anyone other than her father. Slowly, her therapist had worked on her fears until finally, Olivia had the nerve to at least order in a restaurant from a man or pass one on the sidewalk.

 

“So this man on your run, he was your friend?”

 

“Not the one I was talking about. We went to high school together. He always hits on me. I don’t like it.”

 

“Have you asked him to stop?”

 

“Multiple times.”

 

“He doesn’t seem to heed your wish to be left alone?”

 

“He never has.”

 

“Perhaps, for now, you should avoid him,” the doctor watched as Olivia’s expression turned to one of pure curiosity – that was the first time she had been advised to avoid a situation. “He obviously makes you uncomfortable and he does not heed warnings – for now, any contact with him has the potential to impede your improvement.”

 

Olivia nodded. She now had a valid reason to avoid Jake at all costs – her therapist had suggested it. That may have been the first thing to come out of her therapist’s mouth that she was glad to hear.

 

“Now, about this other man: how do you know him?”

 

“We met my first year of college. I was just starting law school and he was just finishing. We started dating about a month before he got his J.D. and then he started working at a law firm close to campus so we could stay together.”

 

“It sounds serious.”

 

“It was.

 

“When did you break up?”

 

Olivia cast her gaze to the floor, feeling the first onslaught of tears as her eyes started watering. She sniffed, wiping a tear from her eyes. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but she _missed_ Fitz. There relationship had had its ups and downs, but from what she remembered, it had been mostly _good_. She had broken up with him after…after a very traumatic time in her life. Sometimes she wondered if she had jumped the gun – Edison had been arrested six months later, but other times…other times she remembered what had happened, remembered her secret, and she knew that even if Fitz could somehow manage to see past what had happened, _she_ couldn’t.

 

“About six months before they arrested…”

 

“Why?”

 

“I…I don’t know why.” Her therapist nodded. Olivia knew that her doctor could tell she was hiding something, keeping something close to her chest. She knew Olivia was hiding something, but she hadn’t pushed her to talk about whatever it was. For that, Olivia was grateful.

 

“Did the two of you speak when you ran into him?”

 

“Briefly. He said he’d call me.”

 

“Has he?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Have you answered?”

 

“No.”

 

“Olivia,” once more the therapist sighed, “Why haven’t you answered?”

 

“I don’t know.” That seemed to be Olivia’s go to answer when it came to her therapist, although, as in this case, she normally did know. She hadn’t answered Fitz’s call because she was afraid – afraid of having to walk away from him again and suffering the heartbreak she had once had to suffer. She was afraid he would discover what she had done, what had happened to her and hate her for all of it. She glanced up at the wall -  only a couple more minutes left.

 

“Before your next session, Olivia, I would like you to answer his phone call – or call him back. That’s all for today.”

 

Olivia took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure she could do that. She still loved Fitz; loved him enough to worry about protecting him. Even if she had to protect him from herself. She stood from her seat, walking toward the door.

 

“Olivia?” She turned at the sound of her therapist’s voice, “You did great today. You stayed for the whole session. I’m impressed.”

 

~*~

 

_Rain trickled down Olivia’s face, plastering her dark hair to her skin. She could barely see through the downpour; rain was running into her eyes. It stung. Her sides were aching; her breath coming in quick, ragged puffs. She had to keep going. Her feet pounded against the hard cement and she fought to keep her balance. The rain was causing her to slide. She could barely make out the faint glow of the store lights in front of her, but no matter how hard she ran, she couldn’t seem to get closer. It was almost as if the storefront was getting farther away. She had to keep going. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t stop._

_Rounding a corner, she slid in a puddle, falling hard against the cement. She cried out in pain, looking at her arm and seeing a large scrape from her wrist to her elbow. The pain was nearly unbearable, but she forced herself to stand. At the first step, she nearly fell again. Not only was blood pouring from her arm, but she had twisted her ankle. It took all her control not to let out another cry._

**_Crack._ **

****

_Lightning illuminated the sky – and the dark figure standing behind her. Olivia didn’t notice the figure. She was examining her arm, touching the tender skin and looking around. She cursed the darkness. She couldn’t make out anything in the dark. Glancing ahead, she saw the lights of the storefront. So close, yet so far away. She wondered if she could make it before…before **whatever** was back there caught up to her. She took one more step, breathing hard as she came down on her hurt ankle, the pain shooting through her body. _

_The figure watched as Olivia slowly, deliberately crept ever further. He grimaced at each pain-filled step she took. He didn’t like the though of her being hurt. Casually leaning against a tree, as if the rain did not bother him at all, he continued to watch. He knew that no matter how fast she moved, she wouldn’t reach that store. She wasn’t **meant** to reach that store. That would be too easy. _

_Taking one more step forward, Olivia collapsed on the unforgiving sidewalk once more – her body too exhausted to move one more inch. Her ankle **hurt**. She nearly screamed in frustration. She couldn’t continue like this. It didn’t matter how much she knew that she should keep moving. It was hopeless anyway._

_Watching her attitude, knowing that she had given up, the cloaked figure made his move. Silently moving along the sidewalk, he came up behind Olivia, placing one hand over her mouth. She tried to scream, but he was quick to suppress any noise she could make. His other arm wrapped around her waist, hauling her to her feet. Dragging her along, he…_

**“NO!”** Olivia bolted upright in bed, her heart racing. She was drenched in sweat, her bed sheets tangled around her. She struggled against them – still half asleep, she imagined they were the dark stranger, holding her in place. She continued kicking her legs, screaming at the top of her lungs, as her parents entered her room. Her mother was quick to hit the light switch while her father grasped her shoulders, holding her in place.

 

“Olivia…Olivia! Stop.” At the sound of her father’s voice, she seemed to snap out of her trance. All of the fight left her body, leaving her limp. Eli pulled the tangled sheets from her legs, thankful his daughter wore a pajama set to bed and nothing less. Reentering the room, Maya handed Olivia a glass of water which she gratefully took.

 

“Are you okay?” Maya asked, sitting beside her daughter on the bed as Olivia slowly sipped her water.

 

“It was just a dream.”

 

“These dreams seem to be getting worse, Liv. Maybe we should call Doctor –“

 

“No.” Eli sighed at Olivia’s interruption. She was stubborn. He left the room, coming back moments later with a pill in his hand.

 

“You didn’t take your medication.”

 

“I forgot.”

 

“You can’t forget that, Olivia.” Maya admonished, watching as Eli handed the pill to his daughter, waiting for her to swallow it.

 

“I didn’t mean to.” She shrugged, setting her glass on her nightstand and pulling her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

 

“Do you want us to stay in here with you?” Eli offered, placing a hand on Olivia’s back.

 

“No. Go back to bed. I think I’m going to read some.”

 

“Okay, sweetie,” Maya leaned forward, kissing Olivia’s forehead, “but don’t stay up too late.”

 

“I won’t. Goodnight mom, dad.” She watched as her parents left the room, their mumbled voices carrying down the hall to their room.

 

Taking a deep breath, Olivia glanced at her phone, laying on her nightstand. She grabbed the rectangular device, unlocking it and opening her messages. She knew she shouldn’t, but she had already made up her mind – hitting new message, she found Fitz’s name and began to type:

 

**_Are you up?_ **

****

~*~

 

“Maybe you should speak with her therapist tomorrow? Her dreams seem to be getting worse,” Maya commented, climbing back into bed.

 

“She would never forgive me if I did that.” Eli yawned, stretching before he climbed back into bed himself.

 

“She will. She needs help, Eli.”

 

“I know she does. I don’t want to push her – last time we did that, she closed herself off and we ended up spending an entire night in the hospital while they pumped her stomach.”

 

“Don’t remind me,” Maya shivered. That night she had come home to find Olivia, her baby, laying on the living room floor…motionless…it had been a living nightmare. She still wouldn’t allow Eli to carry alcohol into her home and made sure all of Olivia’s medications were kept under lock and key – leaving only the amount she was supposed to take for the day on the counter.

 

“I’ll speak to her doctor, Maya, but I’m not sure it will do any good. Last time I spoke to her, she seemed to think Olivia was hiding something.”

 

“Knowing our daughter, she still is,” Maya pulled the covers up to her chin, laying her head on her pillow, “Did she tell you she saw Fitz last week?”

 

“No.” Eli whipped his head around to look at his wife. “Did she speak to him?”

 

“She said they said hi. He was supposed to call her, but I don’t know if he did.” She tried to stifle a yawn.

 

“I hope he did. Maybe we should invite him over for dinner. Did he say why he’s here?”

 

“Olivia didn’t know, but I have heard rumors that there’s a new law firm opening in town…”

 

“He couldn’t stay away, could he?”

 

“I know, Eli. I hope he’s here for her, too. She was happy with him.”

 

~*~

 

**_I am now. It’s one. Shouldn’t you be in bed?_ **

****

**_Couldn’t sleep. Did I wake you? I’m sorry._ **

****

**_Don’t apologize. There’s no reason for that._ **

****

Olivia’s stomach clinched at that text. If only he knew…She tapped her fingers against the glass screen, not knowing what to text. She rested her chin on her knees, thinking. Nothing she could think of seemed like the right reply. She owed him so many explanations. Explanations that she knew she couldn’t give voice to. The sound of her phone drew her attention to the tiny screen and another text from him.

 

**_I tried calling you._ **

****

**_I know._ **

****

**_Did you want me to call in the first place?_ **

****

**_Try again tomorrow at eight and you’ll find out._ **

****

She exhaled harshly as she sent that text – it was a spur of the moment message and she had clicked ‘send’ before she had time to regret what she was doing. Her insides twisted as she waited for his response. Why was it taking so long? His other replies had been quick, arriving within moments of her sending her responses. It had been at least a couple minutes since she had sent that text. Her mind raced to several conclusions finally stopping on one: he must have decided not to go through with the trouble that was Olivia. It was logical to her – it hurt, but it made so much damn _sense_. She couldn’t offer a fraction of what he could.

 

_Ding._

**_Tomorrow at 8, then. Goodnight, Livvie._ **

****

She smilled to herself. _Livvie._ That was his special nickname for her. Other people may call her Liv, but no one called her Livvie except Fitz. Glancing at the time on her phone, she groaned. It was two in the morning. She placed her phone on her nightstand, reaching for her headphones. Slipping them on over her ears, she connected them to her phone and pulled her sheets over her body, laying her head on her pillow. Hitting the play button on her phone, she closed her eyes and focused on her music – hoping that it would prevent any further nightmares.

 

****


	3. Everything She Wanted

_“I’m exhausted,” Olivia tossed her back onto the table and plopped down beside Edison. He twisted to look at her – she wasn’t joking. Large, dark bags were prominent against her chocolate skin, drawing attention away from the sparkling brown of her eyes._

_“Trouble sleeping?” It was a question he already knew the answer to just by looking at her. If he had to guess, her sudden insomnia was the result of her latest boy trouble. Not that he knew what the trouble entailed, but Olivia rarely was in a happy, uncomplicated relationship._

_“You have no idea,” she sighed, resting her head on her folded arms. She didn’t bother pretending to sip the cold coffee he had waiting for her._

_“Which one?” He tried chuckling to cover up the bitterness of his tone. He hadn’t meant to say those exact words; they tumbled out before he could stop them. Olivia shrugged, seeming to brush off his tone as she picked at her leggings._

_“Why do you always jump to conclusions and think I’m having boy trouble?” She sounded annoyed – he hated to annoy her._

_“Because…” He bit his tongue, hard. He felt the blood pouring into his mouth and tried not to gag on the coppery taste. She wouldn’t enjoy his, ‘Because you **always** have boy trouble’ comment._

_“I haven’t heard from my boyfriend in a few days.” His head snapped to the side, allowing him to stare openmouthed at her. Olivia had a boyfriend? He knew she had a tendency to dangle a few different boys in front of herself, but she was seeing someone?_

_“Since when does my best friend keep secrets?” He tried not to sound hurt. Olivia almost always told him everything that went through her head. It didn’t make sense for her to be keeping secrets._

_“When it’s the kind of thing she hasn’t told anyone?” Olivia shrugged, she sounded like she wanted him to drop it. As much as he wanted to know who the mystery man in her life was, he knew not to push her._

_“Are we still on for this evening?” We were going to see the new Hunger Games movie. He wasn’t a fan of the movies, but Olivia loved them._

_“Uh, yeah.” She sounded distant as her gaze locked on two girls from one of her classes standing by the glass, double doors. He couldn’t remember their names, but knew they had some big project they were doing together._

_“Give me a minute,” she said, standing and walking away from the table. He watched as she walked away, enjoying the sight of her shapely legs in the tight skinny jeans she was wearing. Yet another surprise from Olivia. She never wore anything so form fitting._

**_Ding_ **

_He almost missed the low shrill coming from the phone laying near his elbow, but the harsh vibration alerted him to its presence. He glanced at the screen, catching a glimpse of the name on the screen before it went black. Swinging his head in Olivia’s direction, he placed his hand around her phone. She had her back turned to him – she wouldn’t know. Sliding his finger across the screen, he typed the four digit password she had set on her phone and opened her messages. He didn’t recognize the name attached to the unread message._

_“Fitz?” he whispered to himself, hitting the message and reading the text. He said he was in New York and wanted her to call him. He must be the boyfriend she mentioned. Strange. She never mentioned him before. There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t mention Jason, the exact definition of egotistical school jock, or Liam – her martial arts teacher. Sometimes she mentioned her friend Abby’s brother, Chris, but that wasn’t often – she reserved her thoughts for him when he was in town._

_“Really Edison?” He jumped at her voice, loud and angry coming from behind him. In a flash of dark red nails, she snatched her phone from his hands._

_“What did you see?” she demanded, her eyes burning with anger and scanning the text on the screen in her hands._

_“Fitz wants you to call him.” There was no use in hiding the truth from her. She would either figure it out or make a scenario in her head that would be worse than the truth. It was best to tell the truth around Olivia._

_“Anything else?” She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring down at him. Her phone started ringing in her hand. One quick glance and she dismissed the phone call – whoever was calling couldn’t spare him from her wrath._

_“That’s it.” She looked like she didn’t believe him, but sighed and moved to grab her bag from the chair beside him._

_“You’re leaving?” He hated how needy his voice sounded, but he didn’t like to spend any time away from her. Olivia almost never thought of him so he took every chance he had to be near her._

_“I have things to do.” She dismissed him that quickly and he tried to fight the frown from showing on his face._

_“I’ll meet you at the cinema at 8?” He called to her retreating back. She stopped mid-step, turning around slowly to look at him._

_“Sure.” She sounded flippant as she walked away. He felt the tightening of his chest at the realization that he had angered her. His breaths were getting shallower and faster as the panic began to set in…_

Bolting upright in bed, Olivia groaned at the sight of her alarm clock. It was only two in the morning. She had barely gotten two hours of sleep. Her gaze fell from the bright red numbers to the large, leather-bound journal on her nightstand – her therapist’s idea. She wanted her to keep a dream journal. Reaching for the journal and a pen, she opened to the first page – still blank. It had been a week since she had been given the journal and, although she had nightmares nightly, she hadn’t written about a single one. This one was different, though. It had been a while since she had had dreams like this about Edison and she hadn’t dreamed from his point of view since the last time they had spoken – when he had vividly recounted his crimes and thoughts in detail for her.

 

Shuddering, she opened the journal and uncapped her pen, allowing the words to flow onto the page. She wasn’t sure she would share it with her therapist – she still wasn’t ready to talk about **everything** she had experienced. Some of the things Edison had said…had done…they weren’t worth repeating or thinking about. Though she did suppose her brain had a way of forcing her to reflect on that time through her unwanted dreams. She looked at the clock as she finished writing, one page down and about three to five more to go. She knew even if she didn’t share what she had written, her therapist wasn’t going to believe that she had only had one dream in between their sessions.

 

Laying her journal and pen back on her nightstand, she swung her legs over the side of her bed and stood up. Stretching, she yanked her pajama bottoms back into place before quietly padding out of her room. She managed to make it to the kitchen, avoiding the squeaky stair at the bottom of the staircase, without waking her parents. Flipping the light switch, she looked at the pill box on the counter. Just as she suspected, she had forgotten to take her Ambien. It was the one pill she had trouble remembering – and the only one that helped her sleep without having dreams. She had been through a slew of sleep aids, most of which didn’t even begin to help, until her doctor had suggested the newly experimental Ambien, at least experimental when it came to helping with night terrors. Maya called it Olivia’s miracle pill. Tossing the pill into her mouth and chugging water, she quickly swallowed before heading back upstairs to her bed.

 

In her bed, she switched her lamp off and laid back down. Reaching for her phone, she popped the earbuds in, praying that her dreams would be kept at bay. Hitting play on the glowing screen, she settled back against her pillows and closed her eyes.

 

_“You weren’t answering my calls or texts and Edison offered to take me. I promise I’ll make it up to you later.” Olivia’s breathy laugh at the end of her conversation was carried by the chilly air to Edison’s spot by the entrance, getting their tickets. It was obvious that she didn’t know he could hear her conversation and it was obvious to him that she was talking to **Fitz** – whoever that was. In typical Olivia fashion she was ignoring him in favor of another guy – one who probably didn’t even know her eye color. He watched as she stood with her back to the building, the bright light illuminating her small frame. She had a bright smile on her face – one that she only reserved for **them**._

_“That your girl?” The low voice jostled Edison from his thoughts and he turned to see Xavier Collins, a starting center for the Hoyas – not that that meant anything to Edison, standing behind him._

_“She’s a friend,” he answered, turning his gaze back to Olivia. She was laughing again, twirling some chain around her finger, the silver glinting in the light._

_“Sucks for you man. There’s no getting out of the friend zone.” His cruel laugh followed him inside and Edison felt his chest tightening with the all too familiar rage. Olivia hadn’t friend-zoned him. She was waiting for the right time – like he was. He was sure of that._

_Edison shrugged the comment off and stalked toward Olivia – careful not to disturb her phone call. The crunching sound of fallen leaves beneath his feet seemed an obvious giveaway to him. Yet Olivia never turned to look at him, ignoring him in favor of the guy on the other line._

_“Ready? The previews are going to end at any moment and we wouldn’t want to miss any of this **amazing** movie.” He tried to sound as nonchalant as he could, but it fell flat. She whirled around, the beautiful smile falling from her face and her voice quieting to a whisper as she told the guy on the other end that she would call him back later. She stuffed her phone into her pocket before giving Edison a tight smile._

_“Let’s go.”_

“Damn these fucking dreams,” Olivia groaned, sitting up in bed and squinting at the harsh light streaming through her windows. She hated having them, but she was at least grateful that this last one wasn’t the traumatic fare of her typical dreams. Though she knew what was coming – especially if she continued having them from Edison’s perspective. A disgusted frown covered her face at that thought – even without the traumatic turn of her dreams last night, just _dreaming_ from Edison’s mind was enough to leave her shaking and feeling in bad need of a shower.

 

Her shower that morning was long, complete with many wash and rinse cycles. She still didn’t feel as if she had washed away all the grime she associated with Edison, but she knew that if she had stayed in the shower much longer, her mother would have been beating the door down complaining about her water usage. She had gotten dressed quickly before making her way to the kitchen where her mother was in the process of cooking breakfast. She grabbed a glass of orange juice and slid onto the bench at the breakfast table. Her father was making notes in his planner as he sipped on his coffee.

 

“You’re up early,” Eli commented, sparing a glance at Olivia over his glasses.

 

“I actually slept well last night,” she answered. She may have had weird dreams, but she had been able to stay asleep longer than normal. That counted for something.

 

“That’s great!” Maya was always overly enthusiastic anymore when it came to Olivia. At first it had been annoying, but now Olivia had come to terms with it. This was Maya’s way of coping with what had happened to her daughter and her way of feeling as if she were helping – keeping a positive vibe that she hoped Olivia would adopt as her own.

 

“We’re having dinner at six tonight…”

 

“Are we inviting someone?” Olivia interrupted her father. It was odd that he would tell her what time they were having dinner. Normally, it was around six every night although they never were sticklers about time unless someone was joining them.

 

“Your mom told me that Fitz is in town. I invited him over.” Eli watched Olivia for her reaction, frowning at the emotionless look she kept on her face. He had at the least expected a smile from her at his news.

 

“I know. We ran into each other a couple weeks ago and we’ve been texting off and on.” She smiled at her mother as she sat a plate in front of her.

 

“Great,” Eli smiled. At least she was answering his texts – that was _something_ with Olivia. “He told me he looked forward to seeing you again.”

 

“Cool.” Eli and Maya shared a look at the nonchalant response Olivia gave. There was a time, when she had been dating Fitz, that any mention of him would have caused a wide grin to cover her face, alongside blushing and a sparkle in her eyes. It was the happiest her parents had ever seen her and they were willing to do anything to see that happiness again.

 

~*~

 

“Have you been writing in your dream journal?”

 

“I started last night.”

 

“You’ve had it for two nights. Is the Ambien helping?”

 

“I still have dreams, but they aren’t _as_ bad.” She watched as her therapist made notes on the ever present legal pad, her pen scratching across the paper. She popped her knuckles, a nervous habit of hers that typically left her mother cringing, as she waited for the older woman to make a comment.

 

“You haven’t brought the journal,” Olivia ran her tongue across her lips, wetting them as she prepared to give an explanation for the missing journal. An explanation she didn’t have to give as her therapist continued speaking, “I am going to assume you aren’t comfortable sharing just yet. Can you tell me what made these recent dreams less terrifying than past ones? I need to know so I can make the decision to continue treatment with Ambien or if we need to switch to a new medication.”

 

Olivia nodded. Her therapist wasn’t normally quite so frank with her. She preferred to gently guide Olivia toward the solution she was looking for – asking questions that pointed Olivia toward the solution herself. But when it came to her medicine…she always made sure Olivia knew the need to speak honestly and openly so they could find the _right_ medication and Olivia was grateful for that. As much as she hated therapy and withheld from her therapist, she _wanted_ to find a solution to her troubles – a solution to make her feel better.

 

“They were about mine and Edison’s relationship before…when we were friends.”

 

“It’s been four years since the Campus Mu –“

 

“Can we not talk about that? I _knew_ them.” Olivia shuddered, kicking her slides off her feet and pulling her knees to her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs. It may have been four years since that event had occurred, but she still didn’t want to talk about it.

 

“You’re subconsciously revisiting the start of your friendship.” Her therapist wisely changed the topic and Olivia nodded. Anything was better than where they had been heading.

 

“And I’m trying to find any sign of where things went wrong.”

 

“That’s good, Olivia.”

 

“They’re still disturbing…all from _his_ point of view. It’s like I’m watching the dream…watching myself from his eyes. It’s…unnerving.”

 

“You once said that he sent you a detailed letter beginning with the start of your friendship up until he was convicted, are you having dreams based on what he mentioned in that letter?”

 

“I…don’t know. He sent that letter two years ago and I burned it after reading it. I guess I could be subconsciously thinking of that letter, but I honestly don’t remember exactly what it said.” She looked down at her hands, her nails had gotten longer lately. Starting to pick at her cuticles, she waited for what her therapist had to say.

 

“That’s a possibility. Have you spoken to Fitz?” Olivia sighed. Of course she would change the topic to him. They had spoken more about him at their last session and Olivia had admitted to avoiding his phone calls because she feared what would happen if she answered them. She wasn’t sure she was ready for a relationship again, despite the assurances from her therapist that she was ready, and she knew that Fitz would want that. He had never wanted to break up in the first place.

 

“We’re still texting every day. My dad invited him over for dinner tonight.” She added that last bit as a bit of an afterthought – she hoped it would keep her therapist off her back for a bit. She and Fitz may not have spoken on the phone yet, but they were bound to have a conversation this night despite how much Olivia attempted to stall the inevitable.

 

“That’s…better than I could have hoped for,” A quick glance at the clock confirmed that they were out of time, “Try having a conversation with him tonight. And have fun, Olivia.”

 

~*~

 

“Do I look okay?” Olivia asked, twirling in front of her mother in a white sundress.

 

“For the fifth time, you look beautiful,” Maya grinned, wrapping her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. She was happy that Olivia had finally seemed to show some emotion at the prospective of dinner with her former boyfriend. She had spent a good two hours after her father had brought her home from therapy preparing for dinner.

 

“You’re going to give the poor guy a heart attack,” Eli winked, moving toward the door as he heard a light knocking. He returned a moment later with Fitz trailing behind him.

 

“Hi, Olivia,” Fitz greeted, holding a bouquet of Peruvian lilies toward her. Olivia grasped the flowers, inhaling the sweet scent, and smiled. “Your dad said I didn’t need to bring anything, but I felt rude showing up empty-handed.”

 

She smiled. He always did ramble when he was nervous. “They’re beautiful. I’ll find a vase for them.”

 

“Allow me,” Maya intervened, taking the flowers from her daughter’s hands before shooing the two toward the front door, “It’ll be a few more minutes before dinner is ready. Why don’t you two enjoy the fresh air while you wait?”

 

Olivia shook her head. Leave it to her mother to try to play matchmaker. She gave Fitz a nervous smile as she followed him outside. She had debated internally all afternoon over what she wanted from Fitz. Finally, she had decided that she wanted, _needed_ , a friend and Fitz had always been a great friend. She knew she didn’t want a relationship – not yet, at least. She wasn’t ready for that. Part of her wondered if she ever would be.

 

“So…” Olivia trailed, laying her hands on the white railing of the porch, leaning over to watch a butterfly flying low to the ground, “Mom said something about a new law firm opening in town.”

 

“I wanted a change of scenery – something _other_ than Washington. I needed to slow down some and this seemed like the perfect place to do that.” Fitz stuffed his hands in his pockets, leaning against the corner post, watching Olivia as a light breeze danced through her hair.

 

“Is that it?” She wondered. He wasn’t from Hampstead. There was no logic to his choosing the town, out of all the other small towns in the state, to move to and begin a business. No logic other than his connection to her.

 

“I meant what I said when we broke up.”

 

“Still?”

 

“Your heart wasn’t in it, Olivia. You only broke up with me because you’re trying to run from something. Like I told you then, I will give you all the space you need and, when you’re ready, you can either chose to tell me what you’re hiding, or keep it to yourself. Either way, I will still love you. I _do_ still love you.” He shrugged, watching her intently for her reaction. She nodding, tucking a flyaway strand behind her ear.

 

“Right now, I really need a friend.”

 

“Friends, then.” He grinned and she giggled – he always did have an infectious smile. They stood in silence, watching the lazy autumn evening. Olivia started to shiver, the setting sun was taking away the last streak of warmth, and Fitz was quick to wrap his jacket around her shoulders. She smiled in gratitude, wondering what was taking her parents so long.

 

~*~

 

“At least they’re talking,” Eli commented, looking out the window at his daughter. She was giggling at something Fitz had said. Watching her with him, it was hard to imagine why they had ever ended their relationship in the first place. While he knew Maya had trouble fathoming the answer to that question, Eli had an inkling of an idea as to why his daughter had walked away. He did, after all, know the little girl who had become his shadow, the perfect, despite her imperfections, miniature version of himself, better than anyone else. She had been terrified and she still blamed herself for what Edison had done – she feared Fitz’s judgment. It didn’t matter how many times Eli had told her that Fitz would not judge her for what Edison had done, Olivia would not shake that feeling of guilt.

 

“She’s always seemed so happy around him,” Maya grinned, elbowing her husband out of the way so she could get a look through the window for herself. She smiled at the sight of her daughter standing a few inches from Fitz, his jacket wrapped around her shoulders. It felt like old times; when Olivia would come home for the weekend to visit, dragging Fitz with her. He was the first boyfriend that Maya and Eli had ever gotten to meet – the first time she had been serious about a boy.   

 

“She still seems happy with him.” Eli moved toward the cabinet, retrieving plates and moving toward the table in the dinning room.

 

“I can’t believe he followed her here.”

 

“I can. I’d do the same for you.” Eli grinned at the watery smile Maya gave him. They had…issues in the past that culminated in their divorce during Olivia’s sophomore year. After two years of being apart, they realized just how much they missed each other and had started secretly dating, only for Olivia to figure their secret out a few months later. Now they were busy planning their wedding for the summer. Olivia had even taken to helping Maya plan.

 

“I don’t want to interrupt their moment,” Maya stated, once more looking out the window as Eli came up beside her. Fitz and Olivia were huddled together against the crisp August wind, laughing at some inside joke. Eli smiled as Fitz lifted a hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Olivia’s ear.

 

“Go get them. Something tells me that they’re going to have plenty of moments like this.”

 

~*~

 

“That was absolutely delicious. Thank you for inviting me, Mr. Pope,” Fitz commented, dabbing at his mouth with the linen napkin.

 

“Come on, Fitz, we’re past that stage,” Eli smiled, “You can call me, Eli.”

 

“When is your law firm opening?” Maya inquired, laying her knife and fork on her plate.

 

“The first of the month. I still have a few kinks to work through. Such as finding a secretary.”

 

“Abby might do it. She’s been looking for something closer to home,” Olivia suggested, reaching for her wine glass. She had been surprised when she had seen the glass sitting by her place setting at the table, and simultaneously disappointed the moment she had noted the first distinct taste of grape juice. Her mother had taken her therapist’s warning about mixing alcohol with her sleep medication quite seriously.

 

“Sure. Tell her to send me her application,” Fitz nodded. Maya smiled at the two – it warmed her heart to see Olivia interacting with someone, _truly_ interacting, once more.

 

“Olivia will be coaching the high school cheerleading squad this year,” Eli announced, inclining his head in his daughter’s direction. Olivia blushed, slightly, and bowed her head at his announcement, a blush that deepened upon Fitz’s comment.

 

“Looks like I’ll be watching a lot of football this year.”

 

“Our first practice is tomorrow and I’ve never cheered so…”

 

“You rocked at gymnastics – just add some words and you’re good,” Fitz winked, causing Olivia to chuckle.

 

“Thanks.”

 

~*~

 

“Thanks for coming by, Fitz.” Eli extended his hand toward Fitz as they stood by his car in the driveway. They could see Olivia and her mother through the kitchen window, standing side by side and washing dishes.

 

“I wanted to see her. Nothing else.”

 

“She needed this. She’s been getting…worse. She has these awful nightmares and hardly sleeps.”

 

“I wish things were different between the two of us.”

 

“Maya and I do, too. Why don’t you stop by later this week? Talking to you was the closest we’ve seen her to being happy in a while.”

 

“I like that idea. Thanks.” Fitz shook Eli’s hand once more before climbing into his car, casting one longing glance at Olivia, and leaving.

 

~*~

 

_“Have you seen Jason lately?” Nina, one of Olivia’s roommates, didn’t stop to acknowledge Edison as she slid between Olivia and him, her questions dangling in the air, waiting for an answer._

_“He must have spent the whole summer in the sun,” Olivia replied with that appreciative undertone to her voice – the one she never used with Edison. He wondered if she was still seeing that boyfriend of hers. She hadn’t said much since he had seen that text months ago – she was keeping her distance from him._

_“He looks **fine** ,” Nina observed, her eyes trailing over to the one guy that Edison could possibly hate more than this Fitz person. Jason Edmistein was arrogant and knew what the girls on campus thought of him. He used that to his advantage. Edison didn’t like the way he was returning Olivia and Nina’s stares. The glint in his eyes as he looked them over was unnerving. They started giggling when he winked in their direction before heading off to the café line. Of course some girl let him cut in front of her._

_“Jason may be looking fine now, but Liam! He let his hair grow. It’s hot,” Olivia gushed, informing Nina of her other favorite crush._

_“He’s gotten buff,” Nina grinned, picking at the food in front of her. They started trading stories about Jason and Liam and their thoughts on the two. Edison let their voices fade into background noise – he **hated** how infatuated Olivia became with those other men. Men who weren’t for her. He followed Jason’s movements from his seat – watching as Jason headed back out of the building and in direction of the gym. Without any effort, without any reason, he managed to get Olivia’s attention better than Edison could. It was a nightmare._

_~*~_

_“Jason,” Edison called after the taller guy. They were in the same history class and when the professor announced that they would be doing group projects, Edison offered to be Jason’s partner. He couldn’t turn down Edison’s offer – he accepted any offer that he thought would get him out of work._

_“Yeah?” Jason stopped midway through the deserted hall, turning around to look down at Edison._

_“Could you stop by my house this evening? Just to set up the basics for the project. I’ll do the rest,” Edison quickly added when he noticed the annoyed look in his eyes. That was one of his selling points to Jason – he would do the entire project and Jason was free to do whatever it was that he did._

_“Sure.” He walked away after that one grunted word, missing the smile that spread across Edison’s face._

“Dear God, **no** ,” Olivia breathed, sitting straight up in bed and drenched in sweat. As innocent as those dreams had seemed, she knew what was coming next and just the thought was enough to make her consider avoiding sleep for the rest of her life.


	4. Lieblingsmensch

“They’re pretty good,” Abby commented, rubbing her arms as she stood beside Olivia on the sidelines, watching the Hampstead Wildcats score yet another touchdown. Olivia watched as the girls, in their blue and white uniforms, shouted even louder, competing to be heard over the crowd.

 

“They’ve always been good.”

 

“Your girls are good, too. I’m proud of you, Liv.” Abby wrapped an arm around her friend’s shoulders, huddling with her for warmth.

 

“Thanks.” She dug her toe into the soft ground, it was only the middle of September – they hadn’t had their first frost yet. The loose dirt gave way to the insistent movement of her foot, staining the white toe of her sneaker a light brown. She buried her hands inside her blue jacket, _Wildcats Cheer_ emblazoned across the back.

 

“Here.” She and Abby turned at the sound of a male voice and Olivia grinned. Fitz stood behind her, a steaming cup of coffee in his outstretched hand. “No promises it’s any good – I got it from the concession booth. At least it’s warm though, right?”

 

“That’s really all I need. Something to warm my hands,” Olivia laughed, taking the warm cup and sighing as the heat seeped through to her hands.

 

“Hi, Fitz,” Abby greeted, smiling at him. The last time the two had seen one another was before he and Olivia had broken up. She had taken Olivia’s side, of course, but she had also made it clear that she didn’t agree with what Olivia had done. She knew better than anyone else that Fitz and Olivia made the perfect couple – he grounded her in ways that no one else could.

 

“How’s it been, Abby?” Fitz stuffed his free hand in his jacket, sipping at the warm liquid in his cup and wincing at the taste – it wasn’t near strong enough.

 

“Busy.”

 

“Olivia said you decided to go for your J.D.”

 

“I didn’t realize you two were speaking again,” Abby raised a brow in surprise, sneaking a glance at her best friend who was off to the side, speaking with her squad. “But yes, I am.”

 

“We’ve been talking a lot. She let me take her out to lunch yesterday. As friends.” He shrugged. “She said she was going to mention to you that I’ve been looking for a secretary.”

 

“She texted me about it last night. When do you need my resume?”

 

“It would have been nice about a month ago when I first told her,” Fitz chuckled, “Her medicine makes her forgetful, sometimes. Anyway, I’ve been dragging my feet on hiring because I assumed you would apply. It’s yours if you want it, Abby. I can text you later with details. It won’t be too glamorous at first, but it will open doors and it’s close to home.”

 

“You and your sales pitches,” Abby laughed, “That sounds good, Fitz.”

 

“Does she talk to you much?” He inclined his head toward Olivia where she stood, rushing her girls toward the middle of the field.

 

“Some, but she’s holding back on something. She’s been having nightmares about what Edison did to Jason, Liam, and…” Abby’s blue eyes brimmed with unshed tears. It was hard for her to speak about Chris. They had been as close as any brother and sister, and losing him had been hard. Especially when she had lost him the way she had.

 

“ _I_ sometimes have nightmares about what Edison did to them and I’m sure you do, too. If it wasn’t bad enough that he…” Fitz shuddered. He could imagine why Olivia was having nightmares. She had _witnessed_ what Edison had done afterwards. The rest of them had only had to hear about it and spend months speculating what the murderer had done after the details of the murders had been released to the families. Abby’s family had even decided on cremation for Chris – they didn’t want to explain to everyone why an open-casket funeral was out of the question.

 

“Does she mention any of it to you?” Fitz shook his head at Abby’s question. Olivia seemed to avoid all mention of what had happened prior to her return to her hometown. They spent most of their time discussing movies, bands, and, on occasion, Fitz’s job. The one time she had deviated from this tried and true list of topics was earlier in the week when she had received a birthday card from the FBI agent that had captured Edison. She had explained to Fitz that he kept in touch – sending Christmas and birthday cards every year.

 

“She won’t talk about it with me.”

 

“I think she’s afraid of your reaction if you find out what happened.” Abby kept an eye on her friend, still watching the girls she had worked so hard with performing their half-time routine.

 

“I know what happened.”

 

“You don’t know everything. No one knows everything.”

 

“But you know more than anyone else.” He said it bitterly; wondering, not for the first time, why she didn’t trust him enough to tell him the whole story. He knew she had a special relationship with Abby – she had told him many times that Abby was the only one she was comfortable baring it all with.

 

“She and I have similar experiences, Fitz. Don’t take it personally – she won’t even tell her dad. When you have experienced what we have, you blame yourself at first. It took me years to stop blaming myself and, well, Olivia hasn’t had that time yet. She still thinks everything that happened was her fault. That there were warning signs and she could have somehow prevented it.”

 

“I wish there was more that we could do.”

 

“We could try to make everything as normal as possible for her. What about throwing her a birthday party? I know she’s been against that lately, but it could be fun.” Abby shrugged, quickly adding, “You can text me about it later.”

 

“What were you two talking about?” Olivia asked, pushing her way in between Abby and Fitz.

 

“My new job,” Abby said, as Fitz stated, “How amazing the girls were.”

 

“I missed having both of you together,” Olivia grinned, sipping at her coffee. Abby smirked at the look on Fitz’s face when Olivia scooted to the left, so close they were practically touching. It looked as if it took every ounce of Fitz’s control not to close the tiny gap and wrap an arm around her.  She shook her head – sometimes love wasn’t fair.

 

~*~

 

_“Hey, Jason. Thanks for coming over.” Edison closed the door behind the taller man, rolling his eyes at the hair flip he was treated to._

_“How long is this going to take?” Jason was always in a hurry – Edison tried not to imagine that this particular hurry was because of the party taking place on the other end of town. The Hoyas were celebrating their most recent victory and, more than likely, Olivia was at the party celebrating with everyone else. At least there would be **one** less guy for her to ogle tonight. _

_“Just a few minutes,” Edison answered, heading toward his refrigerator where he made sure to grab the front bottle of water, holding it out to Jason. He watched with barely contained enthusiasm as Jason took his first couple sips._

_“What was it you needed?” He tried not to break out in a smile at Jason’s somewhat slurred words and the way he had began to blink – trying to stay awake. Edison glanced at his watch; if his calculations were right, Jason would be out cold in another minute or so. Either way, he was already past any hopes of controlling his arms or legs._

_“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He eyed Jason’s hair as the heavier man crashed to the floor, out cold. For good measure, Edison kicked him sharply in the ribs, watching for any sign of alertness. There was none. He grinned to himself, it was time to get to work._

“This is bullshit,” Olivia grumbled, sitting up in bed and rubbing her eyes. It was a little past one and she needed sleep. She hadn’t fallen asleep until after eleven – Abby and Fitz had demanded she allow them to take her to dinner after what they had deemed an exceptionally good performance by her squad. She was exhausted. But she wouldn’t go back to sleep. Not with the threat of finishing that dream still lingering in the air. She would _not_ allow her mind to bring those memories back. Reaching for her dream journal, she began furiously writing on the pages.

 

A little past four, when her eyes were beginning to droop and she feared the thought of sleep, she made a note to stock up on energy drinks. She flipped on her television, deciding on a movie, and flipped her fan on – hoping the cold would keep her up.

 

_Edison’s grin grew at the feeling of the warm liquid covering his hands; the stickiness making it difficult for him to separate his fingers. At first, he had done this in a bid to make Olivia like him more, and that was still his goal, but now…now that he had taken a knife and began cutting away at the top of Jason’s scalp…he found that he **liked** what he was doing. It was tough work, cutting through skin and, in some cases, bone, as he freed Jason’s hair from his body. Olivia had commented on his hair on more than one occasion – she thought the sun-streaked brown was attractive. He couldn’t help but think that if she found it attractive on Jason, she would definitely find it attractive on him. _

_Afterward, he headed to his room, placing the bloody hair on a mannequin. Fingering the thick hair, he smiled to himself. It had gone a lot smoother than planned. Although now, he supposed, he really should clean the kitchen before anyone stopped by. That was the one part he found he did not like. Although it was fun, to him at least, playing with a handsaw as he made sure there was no part of Jason left to be discovered. After having used a gallon or more of bleach and destroyed several towels, he heaved two heavy trash bags outside, tossing them in the large cans by the side of the road._

_His hands were sticky and his white shirt was stained red, but he didn’t want to shower or change just yet. He liked the feeling, the reminder of what he had just done. With a sadistic grin, he headed back to his room to admire his handiwork and plan his next move._

“I have to find something to keep me awake.” Olivia looked at her alarm clock. Five. At least it wasn’t too early to get up.

 

~*~

 

“Any more dreams?”

 

“Yeah…this time about Jason,” Olivia answered, securing her journal tightly in her arms. She had brought it to this session, but still had not made up her mind about sharing its contents.

 

“He is the one…”

 

“The first one Edison murdered. The one he scalped before dismembering and throwing in the trash,” Olivia stated. Only the remorse in her wide eyes betrayed the matter of fact tone of her voice. Even before Edison had described his crimes for her, filling in detail the news had failed to mention or simply didn’t know, she had been obsessed with what had happened to her friends. She’d read every news article and watched every report on the murders. Jason’s had been the first, but had been reported last when Edison had confessed to all the murders around campus. They had never found his body. For months, his friends had had to live with the thought that he had been abducted or had ran away – his case had been treated as a missing person, of course.

 

“You two were close?”

 

“Not really. He was just a friend. We were in the same circles. Greek life tended to do that. But we weren’t that close.”

 

“It’s still painful for someone you knew to have been…”

 

“Yeah,” Olivia interrupted, clearing her throat and wiping a stray tear from her eye. She didn’t want to continue speaking about what had happened to Jason. As hard as it was to think about that, she knew that if her dreams continued, Chris would be the next she dreamt of, and his death had been a lot more devastating than Jason’s. She had known Chris since she was a kid, when she and Abby had first struck a friendship. Losing Chris had been like losing a sibling of her own.

 

“Olivia, I think we are making a breakthrough here. If you would continue to speak of this; continue to allow your brain to revisit what happened, we may be able to –“

 

“No.”

 

Sighing, her therapist knew when to let the topic drop. Olivia would only flounce out of the room if she continued pushing – something that hadn’t happened for weeks now. She decided to change topics, “Have you gotten out since we last spoke?”

 

“I have practice scheduled on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Fridays are game nights – last Friday was our first game. I went to the dairy bar with Fitz and Abby after.” She listed what she had done over the last week, watching as her therapist nodded along with each item and scribbled on her notepad.

 

“That’s great. What are your feelings about coaching?”

 

“I like it. It gives me something to do and, normally, I dream about our practices on the nights we’ve practiced.” She preferred dreams full of dance moves and chants over dreams about Edison. They were easier to sleep through, although there was the time last week that she had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a movie with Fitz, dreamed about a routine, and ended up punching him in the face. He had taken it all in stride.

 

“How have your interactions with Fitz been?” Last session, Olivia had spoken about having dinner with him and her family. She’d mentioned, very briefly, the conversation the two had had together and Fitz’s declaration that he would wait for her. Her therapist had seemed to believe that she should trust him more than she did. She’d told Olivia that her own feelings of guilt were all that kept her from telling Fitz everything – the misguided feeling that he somehow would blame her for what had happened with Edison. In all honesty, Olivia couldn’t see why he wouldn’t.

 

“He’s been visiting. A lot. And we text all the time. We’re supposed to go for coffee after this.”

 

“That’s fantastic.” 

 

“The Ambien doesn’t seem to be working as well anymore.” At first, it had prevented _all_ nightmares. Then it had prevented nearly all nightmares. Now…now she was lucky if she got one nightmare free night when she took it.

 

“That was a possibility. I told you that when I first prescribed it. How many doses do you have left?”

 

“Five.” Her therapist made a note.

 

“Next session, we’ll discuss changing it to something else. Or possibly upping the dosage.”

 

~*~

 

“Have fun?” Fitz questioned, his sunglasses obscuring his blue eyes, as he held the door open for Olivia. He had promised he would meet her at the end of her session and she had been happy to see him standing outside her therapist’s office when she left the room.

 

“Therapy isn’t fun. I don’t know who lied to you,” she shrugged, shivering and zipping her jacket when she stepped outside. It was only getting colder as the month went by. Letting the door slam shut, Fitz began walking the sidewalk, Olivia falling into step beside him.

 

“Does it help, though?”

 

“I guess.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets, watching as the wind rustled the leaves on a nearby tree, a swirl of red and orange floating to the ground. The sky, clear blue and sunny, had only a wisp of white here and there. It really was a beautiful, September day.

 

“Abby and I wanted to throw you a birthday party this weekend,” Fitz said, brushing a stray leaf from his shoulder as they neared the center of town.

 

“That’s unusual.”

 

“What?”

 

“You guys would normally try to surprise me.”

 

“I know how you feel about surprises, now.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Is that approval for the party?” He smiled down at her – he wasn’t expecting her to agree. Her dad had said that she hadn’t been up for parties lately. He had also given his approval to Fitz and Abby – he wanted Olivia to get back on track with a normal life.

 

“I have a feeling that even if I say no, you guys would do it anyway.”

 

“No, we wouldn’t.”

 

“You can throw the party, Fitz.” She smiled, a genuine smile. Sometimes it felt good to be reminded that her friends still cared. She only had one stipulation. “Please don’t invite a lot of people.”

 

“We weren’t planning to.” And they weren’t. That had been Eli’s stipulation as well as Olivia’s. He knew his daughter still wasn’t up to the stress of being near a lot of people at once. Crowds made her antsy. It was in the middle of a crowd that Edison had managed to first get his hands on her, and it was in the middle of a crowd that her cries for help were ignored. Crowds didn’t make her feel safe. Besides, Fitz was sure the shock of seeing Quinn, Huck, and Elizabeth in the same place would be enough for Olivia.

 

“Oh God,” Olivia groaned, narrowing her eyes at a figure down the street.

 

“What?” Fitz questioned, trying to see what Olivia was seeing, his alertness going into overdrive. Obviously, whatever she saw stressed her.

 

“Jake.”

 

“Isn’t he supposed to stay away from you?”

 

“That was my therapist’s suggestion, but there’s nothing that can actually enforce that.”

 

“Do you trust me?”

 

“Yeah.” That was an easy enough answer for her. Even after what Edison had done, she still trusted Fitz. She couldn’t explain; certainly not when she didn’t trust any other guy. Something in her heart told her that Fitz would never hurt her the way Edison had – the way she knew other men were capable of hurting her. He wasn’t like everyone else.

 

“Okay.” She tried not to smile when she felt him grasp her hand in his. His hand was warm, dwarfing hers, and had the calloused feel of someone who used their hands frequently. She knew that was because he worked out every night. He had done that since she’d known him and he wouldn’t wear gloves. He always had callouses on his hands. She tried to resist the urge to move closer to him and his body heat – being with him always felt so _right_. He led her down the sidewalk, closer to Jake. She knew exactly what Fitz was planning.

 

“Hey, Jake.” Fitz yanked Olivia closer, moving his hand from hers and wrapping his arm around her, holding her close to him. She rested her head on his chest. He was warm.

 

“Hey.” The grin on Jake’s face disappeared when he turned toward Fitz. Olivia didn’t know their personal history and never bothered to ask, but for some reason, Jake _always_ backed off when he knew Olivia and Fitz were seeing one another. She didn’t know if it was fear or some other reason, but he would not cross Fitz. She appreciated that.

 

“How’s it been?”

 

“Good. I’m actually kind of busy right now.” Olivia tried not to smile. Jake never did want to stick around when they were with each other. It was almost like it made him uncomfortable.

 

“Sure. We were on our way to get some coffee, anyway. Good to see you, man.” With that, Fitz was once more leading her down the sidewalk and far away from Jake. After rounding the corner, he moved to take his arm from Olivia’s shoulders, smiling when she yanked it back.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Anytime.” He glanced down when she wrapped her arm around his waist. She sure was making this _just_ friends thing difficult.

 

~*~

 

“Happy birthday!” Olivia laughed as she entered the living room. Even though Fitz had told her about her party, Abby had still insisted on making it as close to a surprise party as possible. She had to shake her head at the large banner and the balloons that littered the living room. She should have known that Abby would go all out for this party – she hadn’t been allowed to throw Olivia one for the past three years.

 

“Thanks, Abby,” she grinned, shrieking when she noticed Quinn standing behind Abby.

 

“I missed you, too,” Quinn laughed, returning Olivia’s hug. “Huck and Elizabeth are over there.”

 

“I couldn’t have asked for a better surprise. Even if _someone_ said there wouldn’t be any.” She winked at Fitz, laughing when he stuck his tongue out at her, before following Quinn to the punch table.

 

“I’d say you two did a good job,” Eli commented, patting Fitz’s back and watching as his daughter interacted with her friends.

 

“It was Abby’s idea.”

 

“It was your idea to invite Huck, Quinn, and Elizabeth.”

 

“I’m a little surprised myself that Huck and Quinn made the trip.”

 

“They care for her as much as any of her other friends.” Eli shrugged, “She has a habit of picking some great friends.”

 

Eli walked away, heading toward Maya. Fitz watched as he mingled with a couple – Olivia’s aunt and uncle, if he remembered correctly. Turning around, he grabbed a purple bag from the pile of gifts, the silver tissue paper glinting in the light. It was easy to steal Olivia from her friends and, once they were alone in a corner, he handed her the bag.

 

“Happy birthday.”

 

Opening the gift bag, she pulled a heavy, leather-bound journal with a lock out. Her name graced the cover. She smiled at the silver locket that dangled across the journal, removing it and placing the journal carefully back in the bag.

 

“You used to love writing. I thought you could start again and the lock…”

 

“I love it,” she interrupted his rambled explanation of her gift. Turning the locket over in her hand and reading the inscription: _Vouloir, c’est pouvoir_. She smiled at that. It was classic and it meant a lot to her. Above all else, it meant that _he_ thought she could succeed and pull herself out of the difficult situation she found herself in. Taking a breath, she opened the locket, giving it a critical once over. On one side was a picture of the two of them, taken at his graduation. Her arms were around his neck as he held her, both laughing, and his graduation cap rested on her head. The other side was empty.

 

“When it’s time, we’ll fill that side,” Fitz commented. She tried to stop the tears as she turned for him to place the locket around her neck.

 

~*~

 

_“Has anyone heard from Jason?” Elizabeth asked, slipping into the chair beside Olivia. Edison shook his head, an impassive look on his face._

_“No. He was supposed to come to the party last weekend, but bailed. Haven’t spoken to him since,” Olivia shrugged, picking at the salad in front of her. “Where’s Abby? She said she was meeting me for lunch.”_

_“I went by her house this morning. There were cops everywhere. Even saw a couple federal vehicles.”_

_“What?” Olivia shoved her salad away, standing from her chair. She had her phone in her hand and was almost out the door of the cafeteria before Edison and Elizabeth managed to catch up to her._

_“I should have stopped, but…”_

_“I’m calling her,” Olivia quieted Elizabeth, leading the group toward her car. They all gathered in the car as Olivia spoke to Abby on the phone. Whatever she was hearing, she didn’t like. Putting the car in gear, she stomped on the gas pedal, speeding off in the direction of Abby’s house. She was forced to park nearly a block away; the police still had the house and the road surrounding the house blocked off. Abby practically ran to Olivia, tears streaming down her face._

_“I…I found him this morning. When I came home. I spent the night with…with…” she couldn’t finish her sentence, burying her face in Olivia’s shoulder and crying – loud, ugly cries._

_“What happened?”_

_“Chris…he’s…he’s gone.”_


	5. Goodbye, for keeps, Forever

_She had spent all day crying – she was so damned **tired** of the tears. It was all she seemed to do since moving back in with her parents. Either that or sit in her room, staring at a wall, and wishing that it was all a dream. She was too afraid to leave her home. The FBI had captured Edison a little over a month ago, but that did nothing to make her fear go away. Her paranoia had settled in a long time ago and each time she tried to go out, tried to convince herself that nothing bad would happen, it settled back in – comforting her like a long lost friend and reminding her that someone **else** could easily take Edison’s place. It was hell. _

_Staring out the window, she watched as her mom and dad worked in the flower beds below. The sun was high in the sky – relentlessly beating down on the dry earth. It hadn’t rained for days. Olivia liked the rain. The rain was a reason why she **wouldn’t** go outside. She took every reason she could get that didn’t involve her own cowardice. _

_“I’m so pathetic,” she mumbled as she stood from her bed. It was one – time for her to take her medicine. She hated the pills, but her family doctor had decided she needed them after the trauma she had gone through. She padded down the stairs to the kitchen. The medicine bottle stood on the counter. Popping the lid, she tapped the container against her hand, watching as several small, orange pills filled her palm at once. She only needed one, but the thought of taking all that had fallen in her hand tickled the back of her mind. She could escape – **really** escape. She wouldn’t have to worry about Edison – she wouldn’t have to testify against him, either. She could finally be free. _

_With shaky hands, she sat the pills on the counter, counting them as she emptied the rest of the bottle. The small pile would be enough – she was sure. Heading toward the refrigerator, she pulled the stainless steel door toward her, locating her father’s bottle of whiskey at the back of the top shelf. Pouring herself a tall glass, she placed one pill on the tip of her tongue – chasing the pill with a burning sip of the amber colored liquid. The slow method, taking each pill one at a time and savoring the burning of the alcohol as it slid down her throat, relaxed her._

_All she had to do was wait, and she had all the time in the world._

 

~*~

“Olivia?” For once, her therapist was surprised. It wasn’t her usual, scheduled time for therapy, yet here Olivia stood, nervously at the door to her therapist’s office.

 

“Doctor Clarke? I was wondering…do you have time to talk?” She fidgeted with the strap of her bag. She had only recently willingly began to come to this office. Coming here when it wasn’t her scheduled time was a huge leap for her. She needed someone to talk to, though. Her dream the previous night had been almost unbearable.

 

“Of course. Have a seat, Olivia.” Her doctor glanced at the clock before inviting her in to take her usual seat on the leather loveseat. Dropping her bag to the ground, Olivia slid onto the soft leather. Leaning against the back, she sighed.

 

“Last night I dreamed about Chris.” She closed her eyes as she said that, leaning her head against the back of her seat. She tried blocking the images that were still burned in her head. Why did she have to have that dream?

 

“Your friend, Abby’s brother?” They had touched on this subject before. Briefly, but they had discussed it. When Olivia had first started therapy, her therapist had been given all the details of her past and what had led to the sudden onset of depression and insomnia. Doctor Clarke had seen all the newspaper articles, heard all the first-hand accounts from her parents. She knew that Chris had been like an older brother to Olivia – always around from the moment she and Abby had had their first playdates as children.

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s close to the anniversary of his –“

 

“Death? Murder is more accurate. It’s close to the date of his murder.” Olivia drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

 

“What exactly did you dream, Olivia?” Something was off about this session. Something different that Olivia couldn’t quite place a finger on. As a tear slid down her cheek and she opened her mouth to begin talking, she realized what it was – for the first time since she had been coming here, Doctor Clarke didn’t have her legal pad or her pen. She wasn’t taking notes.

 

“I dreamed about meeting Abby and the cops…everywhere…Abby told us what had happened then. I dreamed about seeing it… _him_ …”

 

“You never actually saw him, Olivia. That’s just your mind filling in the blanks for you.”

 

“Knowing that doesn’t make it seem any less real.”

 

“Have you spoken to Abby –“

 

“No,” Olivia was quick to cut her off, “She still doesn’t like to be reminded about that and I don’t blame her. She was the one who found him, you know? I called her on the way to her house after she was late to class and I found out about the cops. She was hysterical on the phone and when I got to her house…I understood why. Did you know Edison went with us? He acted like he was just as surprised as all of us…God he was such a great liar.”

 

“Edison was a narcissist, Olivia. He took pleasure from deceiving you and your friends. He thought he was smarter, more talented than everyone he came in contact with.”

 

“Maybe he was right.” She laid her head on her knees, her eyes fluttering shut. She was exhausted. It didn’t matter how long she slept – as long as she was having those dreams, it wasn’t a very restful sleep for her.

 

“He wasn’t right, Olivia.”

 

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

 

“I know he manipulated you and played games –“

 

“That’s what he was best at. Playing games.” She felt the tears beginning to fall in earnest.

 

“He doesn’t have any power over you anymore, Olivia.”

 

“It sure as hell doesn’t feel that way.”

 

~*~

 

“You don’t have to do this with me.” Olivia stuffed her hands into her coat, balling them into fists as she loitered outside the cemetery entrance. Fitz wrapped an arm around her shoulders, his free hand still gripping the bouquet of lilies. Olivia had insisted on them – they had been Abby’s mother’s favorites. She slowly inched into the cemetery, Fitz trailing along. At the medium-sized, black granite stone, they encountered Olivia’s red-headed friend.

 

“Hey, Abby,” Olivia greeted, coming to a halt beside her friend.

 

“Hey, Liv. Fitz.” Abby’s voice was thick, strangled as she forced herself to speak. Olivia didn’t say anything else. She withdrew her hands from her pockets and wrapped an arm around Abby, resting her head on Abby’s shoulder. She looked at the granite and the name etched into the stone. _Francesca Whelan_. Olivia felt the tears pricking at her eyes as Fitz laid the flowers they had brought on the headstone. Abby’s mother had been almost as big a part of Olivia’s life as her own mother had been. After Chris’s murder, she had slowly drank herself to death. Abby’s dad had made the decision to bury his son’s ashes with Francesca and it was her grave that they always came to on the anniversary of his murder.

 

“I still miss her.”

 

“Me too, Abs. Me too.”

 

“Thanks for coming out here.”

 

“I always do.”

 

“Did you drive here?”

 

“Fitz did.”

 

“Mind if I hitch a ride back? Maybe stop and get something to eat? I’m starving.”

 

“Sure.” Squeezing the hand that rested on her shoulder, Abby stepped away from Olivia and started toward the gates, gesturing for Fitz to follow. Olivia liked to have a moment or two alone with Chris and Francesca and Abby understood. She liked having time alone with them, too.

 

“How’s she doing, Fitz?” Abby asked as he held the metal gate open for her.

 

“She still blames herself.”

 

“I wish she wouldn’t.”

 

“You know how Olivia is.”

 

“It wasn’t her fault.”

 

“She thinks Chris would still be alive if she’d never talked about him to Edison.”

 

“Edison was a creep. He played himself off as her friend – even _I_ thought he was her friend. She can’t blame herself for that.”

 

“Tell that to her.”

 

~*~

 

“You know; you can’t keep blaming yourself.”

 

“Abby…” Olivia glanced at her friend as they walked arm in arm down the sidewalk. They were killing time as they waited for Fitz. He had had some emergency pop up with a client and was at his office, working his magic.

 

“You can’t, Olivia. It isn’t fair that Edison have someone to help shoulder the guilt – it _all_ belongs to him.”

 

“Chris would be alive if it weren’t for me.”

 

“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, you didn’t tell Edison to do it. He made that decision himself and that’s why he’s in jail, Liv.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Abby sighed – it was just like Olivia to close herself off the minute someone tried to explain to her why she shouldn’t feel so guilty. Getting her to understand that it wasn’t her fault was like running into a brick wall. Abby could only hope that Fitz would somehow manage to convince Olivia otherwise. Which lead her to her next question:

 

“Why did you ever break up with Fitz, Liv? I know I’ve asked you before, but you never told me.”

 

“And I’m not going to now.”

 

“Liv…” Abby warned, “It didn’t make sense. You were happy. He was happy. We were all convinced you two were going to get married.”

 

“It made sense. It **_makes_** sense to me.”

 

“You’re the only one. Fitz can’t even explain it.”

 

“I’m glad he can’t.”

 

“Does it have something to do with Edison? Is he the reason that you broke up with Fitz?” The look Olivia threw Abby’s way was all the confirmation she needed.

 

“Stop letting him dictate your life, Liv. Talk to your therapist if you won’t speak to me.”

 

~*~

 

_Olivia stared at the screen in front of her. Her eyes were tired – she had been up all night researching. The more she researched, the more her stomach churned at the thought of what she was about to do. She had gone through page after page of results on Google. Many of the search results seemed to be mocking her, judging her for what she was about to do. Others seemed almost frivolous about the choice she was making. Very few of the search results had yielded any real information about what **she** should expect. She hadn’t found a reliable one until early in the morning hours and had waited until eight before she called to schedule an appointment. _

_Standing from her computer and stretching, she tried not to look at her still flat abdomen. She never thought she would be the type to give up her child, but she couldn’t have this baby. She was still recovering from the week she had spent with her anonymous stalker. She still didn’t know who he was – he had worn masks the whole time he had held her captive and had released her after a week. The cops didn’t believe her – they thought she had imagined her kidnapping. Whoever he was, he had been careful not to leave a mark on her. Or so she thought as she finally allowed herself to glance at her stomach._

_She had been drugged most of the time. She could only remember bits and pieces of what had happened and even those few memories were blurry. She hadn’t thought anything had been done to her. Then she had received those texts. Texts claiming that she was pregnant – pregnant with her stalker’s child. When she had finally gotten over the initial shock of the messages, she had reluctantly taken a pregnancy test only to discover that she was pregnant. From there, she made the decision that she could not, **would** not have this child. _

Sitting up in bed, Olivia wiped the tears from her face. She had been successful in blocking the memories of her abortion, but now they were flooding her mind once more. The pills she had taken and how horrible she had felt while taking them – both physically and mentally. Then the texts she had received later and the grief that she still carried with her. She sighed – Abby was right. She did need to talk to someone.

 

Getting out of bed and pulling her robe on over her nightgown, she headed toward the window seat in her room and sat on the cushion. Reaching for her phone, she found Abby’s number and held the phone to her ear while it rang. Even though it was two in the morning, Abby answered on the second ring.

 

“What’s up, Liv?” Her voice was groggy – she had been sleeping.

 

“Can we talk?”

 

“Sure. Do you want me to come over?”

 

“Um…sure. I’ll meet you outside.” She ended the call, tossing her phone on the window seat and heading toward her closet to stand in front of her mirror. She pulled the soft, warm purple robe closed around her body and tied the long sash. Quietly, she crept down the stairs and to her front door. Unlocking the door and sliding her feet into a pair of boots, she stepped into the freezing night air. She saw a flashlight across the road and new it was Abby. This was something the two girls had been doing for years – sneaking across each other’s lawns at night for secret meetings.

 

Olivia sat on the cool, wooden swing, kicking her heels so the swing would sway slightly. She wrapped her hand around the chain hanging from the ceiling. By this time, she could just make out Abby’s rose-tinged face as she climbed onto the porch, switching her flashlight off. She sat beside Olivia on the swing. Neither woman spoke at first, enjoying the quiet, cool night.

 

“You said you wanted me to speak to you.” Abby jumped slightly, startled by Olivia’s voice breaking the silence, and glanced at her friend. Olivia kept her gaze straight ahead into the darkness.

 

“I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to tell me anything, Liv.”

 

“I don’t feel that way. But I think I do need to talk to someone. I’ve barely handled all the other dreams I’ve been having, Abs…tonight, I had a dream that I know I can’t handle alone.”

 

“Have you told your therapist?”

 

“I’ve never told anyone what I’m about to tell you.” Taking a deep breath, Olivia finally turned her body toward Abby, looking into her friend’s sympathetic eyes. “It’s a bit of a long story, so bear with me.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Remember that week you went to Santa Monica? For spring break?”

 

“Yeah. When I came back you said you had been kidnapped.”

 

“But no one ever believed me.”

 

“You had bruises and had drugs in your system but no one had reported you missing and you couldn’t describe your attacker at all.”

 

“But after they caught Edison, they realized that I **_had_** been kidnapped that week.” Abby nodded. Edison had admitted that he had kidnapped Olivia that week after he had been arrested. He had been charged for that crime, too. It didn’t erase the fact that everyone, including the police, had called Olivia a liar for saying that she had been kidnapped at the time, though. “A few weeks after he had let me go, I started getting texts from him. All of them hinted that I was pregnant.”

 

“Olivia…” She held up a hand, stopping Abby from continuing.

 

“I brushed it off – I didn’t think it was possible. Then I missed my period. So, I went to the store, got a pregnancy test, took it, and it came back positive. Even then, I still wouldn’t believe it. I took three more, each one positive, before it finally hit home. I decided to have an abortion because I couldn’t stand the thought of being pregnant with his baby.”

 

“He **_raped_** you?! Why wasn’t that part of the trial?”

 

“He made me **_think_** he had raped me. After the abortion…he sent me footage from the entire week he had kept me captive. He never touched me, other than when he was drugging me or giving me food and water.”

 

“But the baby…”

 

“Was Fitz’s. I killed his baby. _Our_ baby. And I couldn’t face him after that. That’s why I broke up with him and why it’s hard for me to think about being with him now. I can’t tell him what I did. He’ll hate me.”

 

“He won’t hate you, Liv. He’ll hate Edison even more, but not you. Edison liked to fuck with people and he took extra pleasure in fucking with you.”

 

“I don’t know Abby.”

 

“Just talk to Fitz.” She wrapped an arm around Olivia. Olivia laid her head on Abby’s shoulder and the two sat there until the first morning light filled the sky.

 


End file.
